Can't Take It Anymore

It's so hard,
To open up your heart.
Especially when your emotions are so unstable.
I notice now how much trauma,
From the past,
Comes back to you later in life.
It's so hard for me,
To see couples holding hands.
To see fathers holding their children.
To see mothers being normal and caring.

There have been so many days where I just wanted to cry.
To cry because of all the love that happens around me.
It's funny how I am incapable of getting that.
I live through other people,
To try and understand what real love,
Or the different kinds of love feel like.
It's so embedded in my past,
That I just can't remember.

It's the worst for me,
When people take advantage of me.
They know they can get away with,
Making me feel something for them.
Well I'm done with that.
I've been hurt too many times,
Too often.
And too much right now.
I want nothing to do with love.
Right now love means nothing.

I don't want to care for anyone.
I need to care for myself.
So stop trying to use me.
Stop trying to bullshit me.
I told you I can't handle it,
But you screwed with me anyway.
Have a nice life.